The Lies That Made Me: The Invention of Belonging
Reflections, poetry, and pieces from a life shaped by disconnection and denial.
Welcome
This is not a trauma dump.
This is a space for truth-telling with care — for poetry, reflection, and memoir pieces that explore one central question:
What will we do to feel like we belong?
I write from an adoptee life — Māori, born in Aotearoa/New Zealand, now living in the UK — but this isn’t only an adoptee story.
This is for anyone who has ever tried to earn love, reshape themselves to fit, or become someone else just to feel chosen.
Because belonging is human.
And so is the cost of being denied it.
My name is Patrick.
I’m Māori, born in Aotearoa/New Zealand, and adopted. I now live in the UK.
This blog is a companion to my upcoming memoir — but it’s also its own thing: a living space for reflection, pieces, and poems written in different styles.
Why I write
People often assume that adoptee writing is either:
- gratitude, or
- pain.
But most of the truth lives somewhere else.
I write about belonging — not as an abstract concept, but as something physical and urgent. A human need. A survival instinct.
The kind of need that can shape a person’s entire life.
People often assume that when adoptees write, it will be about gratitude — or about pain.
But most of the reality sits somewhere else.
What I keep coming back to is belonging. Not as an abstract concept, but as something felt — a very human need to know where you stand in the world.
For some of us, that question doesn’t go away. It becomes something that shapes a whole life.
What you’ll find here
- Reflections — personal essays on identity, family, and the cost of disconnection
- Memoir pieces — scenes and memories from a life shaped by adoption and denial
- Poetry — for thoughts and feelings that are hard to express in ordinary writing.
- Podcast episodes — conversations and reflections on belonging (coming soon)
A note on tone
This isn’t a trauma dump.
I’m not writing for shock value.
I’m writing because some truths deserve to be spoken carefully and honestly.
Yes, some of those truths are heavy.
Some of my stories touch on racism in New Zealand.
Some are about the quiet, complicated search for belonging.
Others look at the pressure to become someone else — to stretch or reshape who you are just to fit.
But they’re never shared just for the pain of it.
They’re part of a bigger conversation about something all humans need:
belonging.
The Lies That Made Me: The Invention of Belonging. 
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